How I Became Friends With My Exes

To be friends with an ex will depend on the type of breakup and how both of you are taking the impact of the split. So, how I became friends with my exes? What I am going to share may not match the mindset of many, but it won’t hurt to share what worked for me. I believe that the only permanent thing in this world is change, and forgiveness can only happen when there’s acceptance, even the one who betrayed you once could become your best buddy. Though, it does not take the easy road and sure it will lead you to many bumps and crazy directions.

friends

1. I Allowed The Pain To Sink In:

– “Are you freaking’ out of your mind?” Yes, I have heard this million of times, but despite receiving ridicule from doing what they see as a mulish “trial and error” in my relationships. It never turned me unfriendly. We are all entitled to our opinions, but what else should a person do when she feels terrible? Of course, she will desperately help herself. I know the idea is almost impossible to agree on, simply because allowing pain is what every human being fears the most. Not only it breaks your heart it also crushes your ego into pieces. How this helped me? Acknowledging pain heaved my consciousness to the deepest of my emotions, allowing me to learn more about myself.

space

2. Give Yourself Some Space:

– In order to rationally think over the things that had gone wrong after a separation, we must give ourselves some space, without anyone giving us subjective words of advice. In my experience, what made a lot of sense, before I sit down to justify the situation, I should first let my bitterness and frustrations cool down. A decision relied entirely upon your feelings does not assure to protect you from the possible circumstances, so why continue blowing off steam?

contemplate2

3. I Took The Time To Contemplate:

– An unsuccessful love story is sometimes enough to put a person’s perception to its limits. The hate blames the ex while the ego blames herself for being weak or for simply allowing the situation to walk all over her. Love is both nurturing and deadly, we all apparently should have realised it beforehand, so, this shit can happen anytime without a warning. Taking the time to contemplate plays a significant role in developing a more grounded perspective.

blame1

4. I Stopped The Blame Game:

– In every effect, there’s always a cause, when it’s over, it should be entirely over. I have nothing against the frustration that triggers a broken-hearted person to blame the ex but does weighing who has the heavier mistake make things better? Obviously NOT, it won’t change back what’s already done. In my case in spite of my ex’s flaws for causing the rift, I have to acknowledge that I have also done something wrong which contributed to his careless actions. That “lacking” on my part may not be enough to excuse him for his mistake, but I still have taken part of the said situation.

moving-forward

5. I Made Myself Aware Of His Feelings As Much As Mine

– Whoever’s blameworthiness it is, both parties are hurt. One feels the victim and the other feels the guilt. To understand that one or both are not ready to let go of the relationship also mean that we have to wait until one or both is ready to be just friends. A good start is to be fully aware of the boundaries towards the new relationship as friends. Therefore, it won’t get in each other’s way from moving on. Obviously, entering the friend zone while one or both still has a lingering love or sexual feelings for each other is nothing but “calling for trouble.”

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