“I Am My Father’s Replica” — Reasons To Forgive

 thank you dad
He Is Not Getting Any Younger, Time Is Valuable.

My father is diabetic and we all know the terrible effects of diabetes. The idea that he can be taken away from us anytime disturbs me more than anything. I am his replica, his female son. I carry with me the courageous renown of his surname, and this is what made I realise how much I love him. If I was living a well-indulged life without all the hardships, I will never learn to value the life I have now. All the emotional challenges and the adventures that I survived, I owe it all to him.

love you dad
His Personal Inadequacies Moulded Me To Become Emotionally Independent. 

My father did not get much emotional guidance in his childhood, his struggles led him in the wrong direction. I lived through the same passages of pain so deep that I felt so close to annihilation. Following his path, I almost hurled my life away. At the peak of my struggles of changing my troubled life, it wasn’t enough to yield to me. The results of my actions were more than what I could handle. Luckily, my awareness held me tightly. I imagined what I might become if I don´t stop early.  The reconciliation and asking for forgiveness to those I have hurt, — And harmed was gruelling, but I did it. My mother’s love and affection pushed me to change my direction, — Never to crash where my father did. I defeated my own monsters earlier than almost too late. I am now in control of my emotions, I learned how to understand life by returning the favour of taking care of my parents.

father banner2
The Results Of His Mistakes Became Mine

Aggression and perversity  in my father’s family, most of them are soldiers and members of armed forces. He was living a complicated life. Orphaned at the early age, a high-school  and had many monsters. Recalling how it was spending topsy-turvy nights and the days of trouble, it had made me value life more than I thought I did.  I remember going to school every day carrying a 5.7mm chain and an improvised  with a small ice-pick inserted inside. Just in case I’d be attacked again. When you expect that  someone might shoot you or plunge a dagger into your body, it will make you think of the people you love the most.  Having been jailed often at the early age, I knew how I terribly hurt my mother’s feelings. The guilt when I lost my best friend destroyed my self-respect. I almost didn’t recognise who I am anymore. I used violence as my outlet, it has to stop.

badass dad
The More You Dwell On his Flaws, The More You Have The Tendency To Repeat His Mistakes.

We were once a dysfunctional family. As a child, I hated my father for his controlling behaviour and alcohol abuse. I grew up seeing his critical temper towards everybody. When I became a teenager, exploring my teenage years became very rough. I failed to understand how my hatred led me on mirroring the same flaws I hated him for. My temper was terrible, I was a troubled teen. I often get into intense fights, and I go home drunk. In spite of my mother’s struggles of supporting our family, both emotionally and financially. She blamed herself for my behavioural problems. Fortunate enough, the day came that I woke up realising that I am becoming my father. I discovered that my father also came from a dysfunctional family and had much serious experience than I do. The discernment of what was behind his difficult behaviour had truly opened my eyes that hatred is a deceit.

my fathers daughter

5 thoughts on ““I Am My Father’s Replica” — Reasons To Forgive

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